Anonymous said: My repentance doesn't even feel sincere I don't feel like Allah will ever forgive me I sinned too many times I just wish I could shrivel and die and that be the end of everything
You are doubting your own sincerity because you are doubting God’s mercy, and that’s because you don’t know what God is like.
There is a Hadith Qudsi, reported in both Bukhari and Muslim, where God says:
"I am as the perception/assumption of My slave."
This means that if you think of God in a certain way, He will be that way. So if you see God as merciful, you will seek mercy; if you think God is only angry, that is all you will see.
So you need to focus on knowing that aspect of God. God is Merciful, I mean, He starts every Surah (except the 9th) talking about his Mercy, I think that might be a hint.
So how do you know if God has forgiven you? Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan said:
"How do you know if Allah has forgiven you? When someone sincerely asks for forgiveness, then there is no doubt they are forgiven. It is guaranteed. Never doubt if Allah forgave you. First of all be sincere and genuine, and if you meet that condition then there is no doubt."
Now look at how God talks about the rewards of those who repent to God:
“Excepted, however, shall be they who repent and attain to faith and do righteous deeds: for it is they whose [erstwhile] bad deeds God will transform into good ones - seeing that God is indeed much-forgiving, a dispenser of grace,” [25:70]
Look at how God will reward you for repenting for sins, He will change your bad deeds into good ones! SubhanAllah.
But don’t stop repenting, don’t think that you’ve sinned too much, stop thinking that.
It was said to [The Prophet’s grandson] Al-Hassan: ”Is not the servant [of God] ashamed of sinning and then repenting, and then sinning again and then again repenting?”
He [Al-Hassan] said: “Satan wants exactly that. Never stop making repentance.” [reported by Ibn Rajab, Jami’ Al-Ulum]
You stressing over your sincerity most probably means that you are sincere, to be honest, but please, take it a little easier on yourself, you have to, because you’re preventing yourself from moving forward.
Just remember: a sin does not define you, what you do next, does.
Subhan Allah! this is great! It is very important to refresh faith in Allah and His mercy and ask His forgiveness again and again!
As an instinct, if you were to fear someone or anything you quickly run away from it. Except from the Most Merciful, those that truly fear Him run to Him.
Allah says in Surat Athaariyaat, verse 50:
فَفِرُّوا إِلَى اللهِ إِنِّي لَكُمْ مِنهُ نَذِيرٌ مُبِين
“So run to Allah. Indeed, I am to you from Him a clear warner.”
"Allah wants to make clear to you [the lawful from the unlawful] and guide you to the [good] practices of those before you and to accept your repentance. And Allah is Knowing and Wise" (S:4, A:26)
"Allah wishes to accept your repentance, but the wish of those who follow their lusts Is that you should turn away/deviate (from Him), in a great deviation!" (S:4, A:27)
"Allah wishes to lighten your (difficulties); for man was created weak" (S:4, A:28)
Subhan Allah! He wants to lighten our burden and guide us to all that is good…and accept our tawbah if we do wrong because He knows we are weak! - Islam is not hard and it does not make life hard - WE make life difficult through various influences and the different things/people WE depend on besides Allah (SWT) - culture, society, people - in the end all these people will not matter - but our actions will….May Allah guide us to the straight path and make our struggles easier on us Ameen!
(source: Nouman Ali Khan)